How to Overcome Resistance to Change (without having to digest yourself…)
(5 minute read – why not make a cup of tea?)
Change. I think it’s fair to say we’ve had our fill of it in the last 15 months. Covid-19 has changed the way we live, learn, work, and connect with others. A lot of these changes have been forced upon us. But it’s also got us all thinking. Re-evaluating. Wondering what we could let go of; what we could invite in; how our lives could be different. How we could be different.
But change is often challenging, uncomfortable and even downright scary. Did you know that for a caterpillar to turn into a butterfly, it must digest itself? Luckily, we don’t have to go to such lengths, but sometimes change can feel like we’ve put ourselves into a blender.
If you’ve been contemplating a change but just can’t seem to make it happen, it’s not your fault - research has shown that we have an innate resistance to change. Our brains love the status quo – it’s much easier and takes much less energy.
So how might we overcome this resistance to get to where we really want to be?
The Formula For Change (don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to do maths)
In the 60s, David Gleicher created the Formula For Change, later refined by Kathie Dannemiller. It goes like this:
Dissatisfaction x Vision x First Concrete Steps > Resistance
Essentially, to make a change, your dissatisfaction with your current situation, multiplied by the clarity of your vision of where you want to be, multiplied by your willingness to take action, must be greater than your resistance to change.
Now, I’m not really on board with the idea that this is an actual formula requiring multiplication! But I do think it’s a useful model, so let’s look at how we can increase all the aspects on the left-hand side, to overcome the resistance on the right-hand side.
How to Leverage Your Dissatisfaction and Vision
Imagine your best friend is sitting across from you right now (hopefully you’re not reading this in the bath). Briefly explain to them the change you want to make. Now, remember how you explained it and read on…
Some of us are motivated by the idea of moving away from something (“I want to leave my stressful job”), whereas some of us are more motivated by moving towards something (“I want a job where my opinions are respected, and I have a good work/life balance). Neither of these is better than the other, and we’re often a mix of both – but it’s handy to know which one is more motivating for you. So, how did you explain the change you want to make to your imaginary friend?
If you’re an ‘away from’ person, then I invite you to make a list of all the things you don’t like about your current situation. Keep it somewhere handy, and check in on it regularly, and whenever your motivation is flagging. I’d also invite you to do the ‘towards’ exercise below – because even if you’re more motivated by moving away from something, it always helps to be crystal clear on where you’re going. That way, you don’t move away from one situation you don’t like into another situation you don’t like.
If you’re a ‘towards’ person, then I invite you to put 10 minutes aside for yourself, somewhere where you won’t be disturbed. Clear your mind (maybe take some deep breaths), close your eyes, and imagine you’re sometime in the future, having already made the change you seek. Relax into your vision and use your senses – look around, listen to the sounds, smell the smells, and feel what you’re feeling. What are you doing? What’s different? What else do you notice? Who are you being? When you come back from your wonderful vision of the future, make some notes about what you experienced. Check in with your vision regularly.
Visualisations are a powerful coaching tool - the beauty of this exercise is that when you have clarity on where you want to be, you naturally start to align your actions and decisions, making it more likely that you’ll achieve your vision.
Take Your First Concrete Steps
So, you know where you’re going. How do you get there? The sheer size of the task ahead can be enough to put us off even trying. So, I invite you to…. just not think about it right now.
At some point, it will be great to have a plan, with actions and goals and milestones. But right now, in this moment, it’s more important that you simply take the first step. If a caterpillar thought about what was to come, I’m pretty sure it would decide it was happy being a caterpillar! But it doesn’t – it just eats, and eats, and gets bigger and bigger, and along the way, it sheds the skins that no longer fit its changing form.
What’s the very smallest thing you could do right now to move you towards your vision? So easy, that you can’t fail to do it.
And now you’ve got that smallest action, when are you going to do it? What support do you need to make it happen? And how are you going to keep yourself accountable?
Once you’ve completed that action, rinse and repeat. Before you know it, momentum will be building, you’ll be shedding the skins that no longer fit you, and your resistance will be fading into a distant memory.
You Already Have the Means to Metamorphosize
When the caterpillar digests itself, a few groups of cells, called imaginal discs, survive the process. These imaginal discs were formed when the caterpillar was still developing in the egg, and they will eventually become the butterfly’s eyes, legs and wings.
Just like the caterpillars, we’ve all got the means to change within us – we just need to need to take the first step in the process of our own metamorphosis.
